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Tuesday, October 03, 2006
...alone...craving for attention..
12:21:00 pm

i don't know why i always depend on u for hapiness... perhaps its like u've been my everytym companion. someone i know i can count on. and asking me to not depend on u, is hard to keep up with... its like i have friends... a lot.. but in poly, im such a loner... i'm everywhere alone... i just feel tt i cud count on u to keep me company but i was just irritating u.. i do have my best friends, but how much time cn they have for me, they themselves have things going for themselves n they have other things to do besides attending to me.. tts y i always turn to u.. but i know its irritating.. but u understand ar my situation.. imagine being the only malay girl in my class.. having lunch on ur own.. did u ever know tt??? i never told u cause i never want u to worry about me in scholl.. u can definitely be happy cause u have a lot of friends in school... n bein a guy... making friends is much easier.. like for eg. u dunnoe each other but u all can play football together... i cant cause its either my poly frens have diff tymtable or they have things to atend to... its not tt i cant adapt... i try to fit in.. but it just dusnt work out easily.. its hard bein alone ok... n u want me to be independent... its easy for u to say, coz all my life i depended on people around me for comfort n simplicity... coz i noe i cnt make myself happy... i dun want to be pretentious about bein happy... its like i dun ask for every second of ur tym.. its like i wan u to b der wen i need u.. n u dun seem to be bothered about it.. dunnoe la.. i might just be over-conscious or a perfectionist like u said..
but if u really want me to be independent den i have to learn... coz i know i cant have all of ur tym... its hard wen u find sum place u wanna fit in and u dun... tts exactly how i feel in skul evridae.... but its ok... i guess i have to learn the hard way den.. i'll make it... dun worry... but if i change... i dun blame u.. coz i know u dun lyk me arnd evrytym.. it'll only let u get tired of me....but if u noe how it feels like to be in my place... wer u can't fit in, den u'l understand... but its ok... i'll try n find my own happiness... even though i dunnoe wer to begin... let nature take the flow.... just like u said.............
P.S : things aren't easy as it looks, but if u want me to do it... i shall...


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