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Labels: one hopeful past If I had made the first move...
It was a rainy afternoon. I have just got back from a friend's house helping her with some grocery shopping at a neighbourhood supermarket. I was tired and as soon as I board the bus towards home, I dozed off.
I suddenly heard a song playing. "...Do you hear me talking to you... ". Only to realise it was the sound of my ringing tone. I have been expecting mother to call me as it was long since I went out of the house that morning. But I was shocked to hear the voice at the other end of the line. It sounded familiar even though he sounded a little hasty. I was extremely shocked and also surprised.
Guy : "Hello!" (coarse and deep voice)
Me : "Hello?" (still in a daze thinking who was it calling me)
Guy : "Thanks for the birthday wish yesterday. I was surprised you remembered."
Me : "You're welcome. Of course I remembered." (realising about the wish I given to Giq yesterday)
Giq : "Anyway, how did you remember it? It has been a long time, you know."
Me : "I don't know. I just remembered." (thinking about the last time we had talked to each other)
Next, he asked me a question that he must have wished I didn't answer.
Giq : "Erm... How are you? Are you still with your boyfriend?"
Me : "Ya. I am."
Giq : "Oh... Wow..." (he paused for a while and continued) "That's really a long time.."
Me : "Yup. It is quite long." (not knowing what else to say and how to react)
Giq : "So... When are you getting married?"
Me : " He has yet to stabilize himself. Furthermore I'm still young. Unlike you.", I giggled.
Giq : "Actually, I wanted to message you yesterday itself but I went to celebrate at St James Power station with friends, and I was pretty knocked out so I'm scared I might say the wrong things to you. That's why I didn't message you".
My heart stopped for a moment. Damn. Everything was so complete except for his drinking habit. I started to distance my voice for a bit. I didn't know whether he'll notice the change in my voice. I was upset with him. I didn't understand why I was but I also felt sad for him. I realised that we were silent for that moment. And he was waiting for an answer.
Me : "Oh. I mean its alright. I only wanted to wish you." (my voice cracked)
Fiq : "Are you still in contact with Sam? I had lost contact with him.", he asked.
Me : "Not really. But my friend happens to be his girlfriend. I can get his number for you."
Fiq : "Are you in contact with our old mates?"
Me : " Yeah, some."
Fiq : "Alright. I shall not disturb you further then." (guessing that I was already a bit different)
Me : "Alright... Bye..." (Immediately pressing end call on my mobile)
In my mind, everything felt more calm and cool as soon as i ended the call. However panic struck to hear those words coming from him. He has become a different person. No longer a person that I use to be head over heels with. All I can do was feel upset. I wish I could have changed my past and I could have made him a much better person. I started to tear a little thinking about in what state he is now. I'm not ashamed to have him as a friend but sad that I could not do anything about it.
Me : "If only I had made the first move.... he would have been a much better man..." I whispered to myself.
I was confused upon my feeling. So I asked him a question... something that might provoke his very essence of a man... Till now I'm still awaiting his reply...
