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It was a great refreshing outing to be with best friend yesterday. I got great stuff from body shop from her. Next year dapat lagi ehh??? hahaha... Been having some stomach trouble recently... I couldn't understand why...
End of the year is coming and I'm about to take a new step in life... A life that I thought will never happen in my life...
My colleague was being scary after lunch just now. Said something like this to me "what would you do if I jump down??". Mind you we were at the third storey. I got a shock and didn't know what to say for some time. Than I replied "I'll be at lost." Then he said " Would you look at my body or would you call the ambulance??" I said "I couldn't even think of the possibility."
I then said : "Why would you even think of suicide? Other people struggle to live; you don't have a terminal illness." He then said "I do. Something that I have to live with all my life." I didn't probe further and let the matter rest.
This made me remember one event I had in my life. One that I could never forget. But I shouldn't mention it. However, I do have something to say. We should never take things for granted. I even had a friend whom lost her mom but didn't managed to say sorry to her for all the bad things she has said. She regretted her actions.
Life is too short. Be it whether you have terminal illness or not; you should never judge cause you'd never be able to know what that person is going through. You are never in her shoes. Things are easier said than done. So don't think you have the right to criticise someone just because of their mistakes. Remember, you yourself has skeletons hidden in your closet.
Monday, December 21, 2009
Finally, after such a long time, a good meal and 3 good hours of talk. That was much needed indeed. It was a refresher. A moment of feel. It felt good.
There has been a few talks. I'm not full of myself. I just won't be able to handle. With my 'strict' situation, it just doesn't help.
I'm not as carefree. I know I'm 22. But my being 22, don't make a difference to my freedom. I still don't get to go home late. However, I understand my parents worry. I am a lady and anything can happen outside especially at night. There was once mom called me when it was 6 in the evening being worried where was I. I was in the office of course being a tat late than usual. I didn't fulfill my duty to inform her that I was coming home late from work.
It is very exhausting to be this way but I can withstand this for I have great friends who understand what I am going through. I am not great but I am managing. Deep in my heart, I hope to have that kind of freedom you have but at the same time I'm scared myself of the freedom I might have.
However, I get some free time tomorrow and I hope at least I can meet azizun. Its been what, 5 months since July. My oh my; How busy we are...
Friday, December 11, 2009
Right this moment, I feel entrapped in a box of emotions i had since last 2 days. I've been feeling this way since then. hollow; empty. No entity could penetrate its positivity into this box. My emotion just wouldn't budge. Tried watching something funny; laughed but now back to that same emotion in the box. I'm not thinking about anything. Not experiencing anything. Just empty. I'm way pass anguish. I just couldn't describe this feeling. Excitement that was short lived or a tale of fake living? Tell me about it. I don't make any sense right now. Isn't this depressing to read? Not to mention how depressed I was that I couldn't meet best friend due to unforeseen circumstances.
Things are about going my way this days but I just don't feel excited. And why is that? Even that promotion that has been speculated about; I don't feel "UP" about it. I feel crap right now about it. Its was the centerpiece of joy I had that was short lived.To think that my birthday is just around the corner; right now, I don't
feel like celebrating it...
Monday, December 07, 2009
There has been a lot of flashbacks recently. Things that are not explainable. Different things are happening all around but I still feel I'm stuck to the ground. There's no one to listen. I've never been so listless. Even if there was someone to listen, I'd never be able to share. That's how screwed up I've been...
I miss being just me... the uncomplicated me... Now I don't know what lies ahead anymore...
Tuesday, December 01, 2009
This thing has been troubling me for so long... Its like I love the idea of change but I don't know whether I am strong enough to change. Changing needs courage as fear always comes into the scene. Ya Allah, please give me courage to face my woes... Ya Allah, please give me the strength I need... Syukur Ya Allah...
